Emotional Influence

 Humans are influenced by every experience we have. Especially our emotions are influenced. Sometimes external influences even succeed without us even realizing it. This is worth considering since it is a little insidious.

One example when I find myself often swayed or emotionally deviated is after a movie. It doesn’t have to be any particular genre, but a well made movie can wrap a message and its influence into multiple facets - music, dialog, even facial expressions or scenes perfectly timed to get a point across. I often walk out with feelings or thoughts that I had not previously considered. Sometimes they are absurd, and other times poignant.

Recently I had this experience and I spotted it as it was affecting me, but it did affect me all the same. I came out with the question, “Why do we play these games?”

Why do we play the games? Words meant to elicit a particular response, or responses designed to express strong emotions, positive or negative, but intended not to be complete by themselves. Always attempting to build a desired thought or feeling in someone else to inch us closer to one goal or another.

When emotions are especially high, these influences can often be more potent than during other lower-emotional states. Sometimes the question, “Why?”, is expressed in desperation. Sometimes in mere curiosity.

And when I am in an impossible situation, where there is no possible good ending or easy path forward, my question is lost in the din, drowned out by the wailing pain in my heart; I can’t move forward, and I can’t move back, there is nothing in either direction, only the now.

Everything seems in these moments of fruitless questioning to both be in a stalemate - an impossible circumstance - and also in slow motion.

Where do I go from here? I have no idea, though I am still asking my question; “Why do we keep playing this game? Where is it all leading?”

I don’t know, but I wish I did.

Name That Type

I love you. But I fear you. I know that everyone is different, and I don’t know how this will go.

But I only want you to know that I love you, nothing of the fear.

I jump into things without considering risks. Well, at least things having to do with people. I also forget to consider effects on myself.

I want you to be loved, no matter what. No matter the cost to me.

They say I draw my energy from you. Perhaps. More likely I spend more on you than I draw. But that is another thing I hide. Why be a downer? Nobody needs to know that part.

Best everyone knows only that they are valued and important; not of any ill effect to me.

Money is no object - sometimes it’s not even there. Time isn’t too much of a consideration, sometimes to the detriment of those under my responsibility. What is important is going that extra mile (or 100 miles) to demonstrate loyalty, appreciation, solidarity, availability, a dependable help in a time of need.

Or any other time. Did somebody tell me you’re moving for the 5th time? I’m there!

Sometimes I play into a trap, because it’s more important to do my best and be present for you than to discern what your purposes for my presence in your life is. At least, that’s what my nature drives me to do, even if the anxiety and uncertainty are playing out as the evidence of abuse stacks up.

But surely nobody would take advantage of me; it must be that I was not helpful enough, or giving enough, or kind enough. But it’s worth noting, so I can improve in those areas.

Bedtime is long past, but why would I ever even consider kicking you out? You’re here with a need. Or a chest full of difficult experiences to unload. Or a desire for company that supersedes petty sleep. I’d choose to give the time in a heartbeat, certainly before considering it.

The crowd coming today is intimidating, so many people, gotta bump the budget; perhaps I will get a chance to sit sometime during the event. Or not, no worries; no matter. I’ll sleep later, sometime. For now, I have to be the momentum carrier and the “perfect host.”

I am exhausted, but I don’t want you to know.

I’m stressed beyond imagining, but I don’t want you to see it.

I need to have some downtime, but I can’t imagine when it will be.

I don’t know where I will get the energy for that next gathering, but it would never enter my mind to cancel it.

Hello, I’m the extrovert, and I’m here for you. You’ll never know otherwise, and you’ll think that I thrive on your presence and have nothing the least more important than talking to and listening to you. Because I love you, whoever you are.

No matter what, I’d have it no other way.