And sometimes she makes me cry. She is unaware, of course, and it's not intentional. She just wants that one thing I can't give her; something Mommy alone can provide.
Tonight is one of the latter. It breaks my heart and strongly pushes me to break down in great sobs - I can even feel them at the edges of my eyes, awaiting freedom. She is screaming. There is nothing she wants more than Mommy. There is nothing I can do to bring her smile, and she knows it. Yet here I am, holding her, desperate to find some way to hold her or cuddle that will bring me nearer to her heart; caressing and stroking her cheeks vainly in attempt to bring her solace from the sobbing and screaming.
But to no avail.
And there she comes, there is Mommy. One glimpse and there is silence, hopeful wet eyes will Mommy forward, and a smile breaks the snot-drenched lips I wish so desperately would smile for me too.
I know it is not abnormal, and I even know this won't stop here. There will always be a toy, friend, boy, or husband who will bring her more happiness than I can, and it will hurt the same every time - perhaps hundreds of times - it is just part of being Daddy.
