"How do you envision the future?" I asked, after carefully studying
her face for a few minutes.
"As a bunch of big girly dreams." she answered evenly.
"May I make one of those dreams come true tonight?" I asked.
It had been a great lump of crazy excitement getting up to this point,
and my mind was in a whirlwind; only the two nights before I had
decided to get the Promise Ring and make things official. I was so
done with undefined relationships.
Tuesday evening I had gone to Fred Meyer jewelers to pick out the
prize I would hand to her, only a few hurdles remained. When I got
home, I called Steve, her step-dad, and asked his permission to give
the ring to her.
I had text-messaged Steve requesting permission to call and have a
private conversation with him, he said yes.
"Took you long enough." he said, answering the call moments after I
had received permission to make it.
"Hello sir," I began, "I bought a promise ring and would like to ask
your permission, as the man she considers her dad, to give it to her.
It is my sign that I have found the girl in whom I see the character
of a wife and would heretofore like to focus on building up my
relationship with her. May I give it to her with these intentions?"
His response was simple. "Ok."
I could barely believe my ears. He trusted me that much already? No
grilling or twenty questions? Shocked, I thanked him profusely and
began to plan how I would present it to her. It would be at Olive
Garden, but how to get her there in this already-packed week. The only
day I could see working was the next day - Wednesday.
I messaged her and asked if she would join me for dinner that next
evening. She responded with an emphatic. "Yes!" I refused to tell her
where we would go. This was likely her first clue to what was
happening.
The next day I sent constant count-downs to the minute I would see
her, and she began to play along, likely not knowing the significance
of the day just yet. As the time got closer, I became giddy, but
refused to show it. When I arrived to get her I was as calm and
collected as I could manage to be.
I found out later that, as I walked up past the front window, her mom
told her I was wearing a "nicer" shirt and Tiffany went running up to
change into something nicer herself.
When we pulled up into the parking lot for Olive Garden, she admitted
that, from an earlier comment I had made, that she should be hungry,
she had suspected this was the place to which we were headed.
I had set up a ruse in order to get not only the ring in its box into
the restaurant, but the entire bag. It worked and she had no idea.
As she grinned at my hopes, she said that yes, I could make a dream
come true tonight. I pulled out the bag, admitting my ruse, and set
it before her. Near disbelief covered her face as she began to pull
the small box out and a tangible glow spread across her countenance as
she opened it; I explained what the ring was and what it meant. She grinned a
grin that would not leave her face for at least a month.
After dinner, we drove down to Mukilteo beach and sat on a dock until long after dark, watching the boats and the water together, hearts full of unspoken dreams and excitement enough to make us both glow in the dark.
Here begins a new journey, and here closes an old tattered chapter of my life. I welcome this new adventure God has set before me wholeheartedly, it's so good to be in His will for once.
And I couldn't be happier.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Stuff!
Tiara's birthday came and went...twice...and each time was excellent. As you can see, I got to hold her a large amount of the time! The seating was scarce so we all sat rather close but there did end up being a seat for everyone who wanted one. I am so thankful to have been invited to spend these occasions with my family and my beautiful niece and her loving parents, my siblings. I pray for many more occasions like these in the future!
I hope all who read this are well, and I apologize for being so lax in updating this blog. Hopefully many exciting adventures await!
-Pete
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
My Words
Words can create places, places in which I may vent or learn; some places I go to meditate, while others I practice my speech. Still other places which can be created with my words are for weeping, for anything happy or sad. Also, word places can make a weary traveller well or a tired soul renewed.
But of all the places my words can create, I use them most often to hide, from everything. No one can tell or see through the mask, it's brilliant primarily because no one even asks.
But of all the places my words can create, I use them most often to hide, from everything. No one can tell or see through the mask, it's brilliant primarily because no one even asks.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Song of Living Sacrifice
6:30 Monday morning
I'm here hiding in my bed
A song plays on my alarm clock
As I cover up my head
But somewhere in the distance
I remember yesterday
Singing "Hallelujah"
Full of wonder, awe and grace
But now I'm just wondering
Why I don't feel anything
At all
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
When I'm praying with my children
As they're running off to school
When I kiss my wife good morning
Just to say I still love you
When I'm feeling love and happy
When I'm feeling all alone
When I'm failing to remember
All the love that I've been shown
Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
To know
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
Right now
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
From the rising of the sun
To the setting the sun
The name of the Lord is worthy to be praised
I'm here hiding in my bed
A song plays on my alarm clock
As I cover up my head
But somewhere in the distance
I remember yesterday
Singing "Hallelujah"
Full of wonder, awe and grace
But now I'm just wondering
Why I don't feel anything
At all
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
When I'm praying with my children
As they're running off to school
When I kiss my wife good morning
Just to say I still love you
When I'm feeling love and happy
When I'm feeling all alone
When I'm failing to remember
All the love that I've been shown
Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
To know
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
Every single beat of my heart
Is another new place to start
Right now
This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping
From the rising of the sun
To the setting the sun
The name of the Lord is worthy to be praised
Monday, January 16, 2012
Be Still, My Soul
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The way
When old things pass on
And new things take their place
When today is yesterday
And tomorrow awaits
A new life, the next story
Adventures, they await
But the old things are calling
Holding on makes me late
A tough choice, a chance to fail
No safety in place
To go on and prevail
Or stop, fear, doubt and hate
Onward, onward; no ending in sight
Mountains lie ahead
Another day, another night
Another day, another night
I can't make it up; the way is too hard
Up is so steep, too long, too high
I will slip, I will fail, I can't make it that far
Every day, every second , I fear I will die
None will protect me
None show the way
I'm in this alone
Alone I will stay
I declare yet my power
I go now forward strong
I stop and I turn back
That was too long
Yet I persist, because yes I can
I can do it myself
Please give back my hand
I don't want your help
I'm not afraid
Wait, what's that there?
That's not what I said!
How I wish I had company
So brave and so strong
To guide me and teach me
On this journey so long
I am now lost
Not finding my way
I declared my power
And sent all away
But come back and guide me
Don't let me stay here
Come back so I see
The path so unclear
Aha, before me
It is now here
Leave me alone now
For naught do I fear
Such onward I go
Not knowing my path
Great circles I am making
And progress I lack
And new things take their place
When today is yesterday
And tomorrow awaits
A new life, the next story
Adventures, they await
But the old things are calling
Holding on makes me late
A tough choice, a chance to fail
No safety in place
To go on and prevail
Or stop, fear, doubt and hate
Onward, onward; no ending in sight
Mountains lie ahead
Another day, another night
Another day, another night
I can't make it up; the way is too hard
Up is so steep, too long, too high
I will slip, I will fail, I can't make it that far
Every day, every second , I fear I will die
None will protect me
None show the way
I'm in this alone
Alone I will stay
I declare yet my power
I go now forward strong
I stop and I turn back
That was too long
Yet I persist, because yes I can
I can do it myself
Please give back my hand
I don't want your help
I'm not afraid
Wait, what's that there?
That's not what I said!
How I wish I had company
So brave and so strong
To guide me and teach me
On this journey so long
I am now lost
Not finding my way
I declared my power
And sent all away
But come back and guide me
Don't let me stay here
Come back so I see
The path so unclear
Aha, before me
It is now here
Leave me alone now
For naught do I fear
Such onward I go
Not knowing my path
Great circles I am making
And progress I lack
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
One day in a Dream
When I woke, He was sitting before me, the Lord of all of heaven and earth. He sat in His judgement seat, looking through me with sight that pierced me through and understood in a moment all things.
I was somewhere on the ground, seeking only to hide my face in the dirt, but not finding any with which to cover myself.
He turned to my Conscience, standing as witness, and asked, "I have seen the sin which lines the heart of this man, the wrongs which he has perpetrated against me and against his brethren. What further contribution will you provide?"
And my Conscience said, "Great Lord, I have nothing I may add to the account of the accused upon the subject of his sin; he did commit these acts willfully against You and his brethren and by your laws he deserves the perfect punishment you have provided."
Then He turned to me and asked, "Why have you committed these acts of treason, murder, hate, sexual immorality, idolatry, covetousness, thievery, malice, unfaithfulness, deceit and pride?"
Terrified in His holy presence I cried out to Him, "Great Lord, I have no excuse and no justification; I am not as good as dust in your sight. I committed these acts willfully and purposefully in your sight, in my pride. I am not worthy of any good thing, and am very much deserving of the punishment you have prepared. Please forgive me, and send me to the place of judgement so that I may not corrupt Your holy places any longer with my presence."
Then The King said, "For these crimes, even all that you have done -- that which you have considered wholesome in your sight and also that which you have conceived in your heart, the evil you have planned against Me, even Me, the God of Heaven, and for all the things which you have purposed to do in order to justify and save yourself -- you are deserving of Death. You have provoked My wrath and the anger of My heart which conceived of and brought you forth and also loved you with an intensity known by no other and intended for no other purpose than to make you mighty in My Spirit. But you have rejected Me and taken, instead, the lie of my enemy and done according to the lusts of your flesh and the delights of your eye. I hereby sentence you to Eternal Damnation, the perfect punishment I have provided for the devil and his angels, and also you who hardened your heart against Me. With this sentence shall the price of your sin be paid and justice served."
Then, before the gavel of the Great One fell, I saw at His right hand a Shining One. And He stepped forward saying, "Father, I have loved this one and he is precious in My sight, only let your wrath be spared him and turned instead upon me. I have done no wrong, nor said evil of anyone. I have taken the body which you didst provide for Me and used it according to the delights of Your heart and the pleasure of Your eye and for the will of Your Spirit. In this body I have demonstrated your character and purpose to all of mankind, both past and present and future. And with my perfect Life I will go before this fallen son and present myself to you as the perfect replacement, the one who may bear your perfect judgement and take the shame of his sin onto Myself. Please let it be done to me as I have said, for I love and yet may save him."
And the Great God looked upon the shining One, who was Jesus, the Son of the One in whom is all Life, and said unto him, "This is good in my sight. Let all of the sin from the corrupt heart of this fallen one be placed upon You, My Son, and let it be paid in full. I am pleased to execute My justice upon you, crushing you, in the stead of this unworthy sinner. He will be clean because of You and your service to Me."
Then the mighty gavel was loosed and came down in judgement, and justice was executed, not upon me, the deserving one, but upon this perfect Son of Deity. Then the blood of the Son of God was spilled out as I watched, and it flowed over me and washed over me; I closed my eyes, unable to grasp what had just happened. And when it was done according to the Word of the LORD, the Shining one said, "It is finished."
When my eyes were opened, overflowing with the tears I had wept from the sight I had just witnessed, I saw before me the new heaven and the new earth which had been promised of old, and it was more magnificent then my fallen eyes could comprehend. But as I looked, I did comprehend. For as He wiped the tears from my eyes, He also lifted the curse of the first Adam and restored to me not only His Spirit, in governance of my own, but also the perfect body which had also been foretold. And I rose in His presence with great fear and swelling revulsion and awe at what I had just witnessed at the cause of my sin. Weeping again uncontrollably I said, "Lord, how can this be? I am not worthy of your presence even in judgement, yet here I stand before you, restored, perfected, whole and redeemed on the last day; behold I cannot bear it, I cannot fathom it!" Again, I fell with my face to the shining ground, unable to comprehend the mercy, grace and justice which had been demonstrated before my eyes.
Then the Lord God said, "It has been paid and you have been made righteous in My sight. Rise My son and become like He who has saved you; follow to become the brother of Him and the perfect image of the One True God."
Then I woke and understood that it had been a dream and I wept, for I was still corrupt. And I cried out saying, "Lord of Heaven! What now shall I do?."
Then I heard Him answer and He said, "Follow Me and love Me by doing as I have commanded. Love Me first, before all others, and with all of your heart, your strength, you mind and your will. Also love thy neighbor as yourself. For upon these two commandments rely the rest. This is my perfect will. Go now, My son, and sin no more, for I have paid the price of your sin."
"'...for I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
I was somewhere on the ground, seeking only to hide my face in the dirt, but not finding any with which to cover myself.
He turned to my Conscience, standing as witness, and asked, "I have seen the sin which lines the heart of this man, the wrongs which he has perpetrated against me and against his brethren. What further contribution will you provide?"
And my Conscience said, "Great Lord, I have nothing I may add to the account of the accused upon the subject of his sin; he did commit these acts willfully against You and his brethren and by your laws he deserves the perfect punishment you have provided."
Then He turned to me and asked, "Why have you committed these acts of treason, murder, hate, sexual immorality, idolatry, covetousness, thievery, malice, unfaithfulness, deceit and pride?"
Terrified in His holy presence I cried out to Him, "Great Lord, I have no excuse and no justification; I am not as good as dust in your sight. I committed these acts willfully and purposefully in your sight, in my pride. I am not worthy of any good thing, and am very much deserving of the punishment you have prepared. Please forgive me, and send me to the place of judgement so that I may not corrupt Your holy places any longer with my presence."
Then The King said, "For these crimes, even all that you have done -- that which you have considered wholesome in your sight and also that which you have conceived in your heart, the evil you have planned against Me, even Me, the God of Heaven, and for all the things which you have purposed to do in order to justify and save yourself -- you are deserving of Death. You have provoked My wrath and the anger of My heart which conceived of and brought you forth and also loved you with an intensity known by no other and intended for no other purpose than to make you mighty in My Spirit. But you have rejected Me and taken, instead, the lie of my enemy and done according to the lusts of your flesh and the delights of your eye. I hereby sentence you to Eternal Damnation, the perfect punishment I have provided for the devil and his angels, and also you who hardened your heart against Me. With this sentence shall the price of your sin be paid and justice served."
Then, before the gavel of the Great One fell, I saw at His right hand a Shining One. And He stepped forward saying, "Father, I have loved this one and he is precious in My sight, only let your wrath be spared him and turned instead upon me. I have done no wrong, nor said evil of anyone. I have taken the body which you didst provide for Me and used it according to the delights of Your heart and the pleasure of Your eye and for the will of Your Spirit. In this body I have demonstrated your character and purpose to all of mankind, both past and present and future. And with my perfect Life I will go before this fallen son and present myself to you as the perfect replacement, the one who may bear your perfect judgement and take the shame of his sin onto Myself. Please let it be done to me as I have said, for I love and yet may save him."
And the Great God looked upon the shining One, who was Jesus, the Son of the One in whom is all Life, and said unto him, "This is good in my sight. Let all of the sin from the corrupt heart of this fallen one be placed upon You, My Son, and let it be paid in full. I am pleased to execute My justice upon you, crushing you, in the stead of this unworthy sinner. He will be clean because of You and your service to Me."
Then the mighty gavel was loosed and came down in judgement, and justice was executed, not upon me, the deserving one, but upon this perfect Son of Deity. Then the blood of the Son of God was spilled out as I watched, and it flowed over me and washed over me; I closed my eyes, unable to grasp what had just happened. And when it was done according to the Word of the LORD, the Shining one said, "It is finished."
When my eyes were opened, overflowing with the tears I had wept from the sight I had just witnessed, I saw before me the new heaven and the new earth which had been promised of old, and it was more magnificent then my fallen eyes could comprehend. But as I looked, I did comprehend. For as He wiped the tears from my eyes, He also lifted the curse of the first Adam and restored to me not only His Spirit, in governance of my own, but also the perfect body which had also been foretold. And I rose in His presence with great fear and swelling revulsion and awe at what I had just witnessed at the cause of my sin. Weeping again uncontrollably I said, "Lord, how can this be? I am not worthy of your presence even in judgement, yet here I stand before you, restored, perfected, whole and redeemed on the last day; behold I cannot bear it, I cannot fathom it!" Again, I fell with my face to the shining ground, unable to comprehend the mercy, grace and justice which had been demonstrated before my eyes.
Then the Lord God said, "It has been paid and you have been made righteous in My sight. Rise My son and become like He who has saved you; follow to become the brother of Him and the perfect image of the One True God."
Then I woke and understood that it had been a dream and I wept, for I was still corrupt. And I cried out saying, "Lord of Heaven! What now shall I do?."
Then I heard Him answer and He said, "Follow Me and love Me by doing as I have commanded. Love Me first, before all others, and with all of your heart, your strength, you mind and your will. Also love thy neighbor as yourself. For upon these two commandments rely the rest. This is my perfect will. Go now, My son, and sin no more, for I have paid the price of your sin."
"'...for I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
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